Hard of Hearing Mom-hood

It's been some time since I last wrote. I'm now 30+ weeks pregnant with a baby girl to be named Ella. It's been a relatively easy and uncomplicated pregnancy. I feel tremendously blessed. I'm so excited that I rarely give much thought to what it will be like to be a hard of hearing mother but when I do, I try to focus less on my frustration that I have hearing loss and more on how I can adapt as a mother. Fortunately, with a little research, I've discovered some baby monitors have a vibrating feature. According to some threads I have seen online, a model by Graco appears to be the go-to for hearing-impaired moms. I think this will be a life-saver particularly at night when I'm unaided. Of course, I could turn the volume up to the highest level on the monitor to help wake me but I have to consider my hearing hubby trying to sleep next to me. I also live in a condo complex and no doubt my neighbors won't appreciate hearing Ella in stereo. So, the vibrating option is fabulous. I'll be placing it right by my head and hopefully, we'll all be happy with the result. I am really eager to see this plan in action and whether it really is as useful as I expect. What's been really interesting, too, has been reading up on other HOH moms experiences. For example, it's a relief to read posts by the Lipreading Mom. If blogger Shanna Groves, a severely hard of hearing mom can successfully raise her three kids and all with a sense of humor, then it gives me additional hope I can do the same as Ella's mom. As a member of the national Hearing Loss Association of America, which is a great resource for all ages facing hearing loss, I get their monthly magazine. Before I was even trying to get pregnancy I read a poignant article written by the wife of a severely hard of hearing man. They have a family. One of the stories she relayed to readers hit home. Apparently, they both attended their child's parent-teacher conference. There, the teacher jokingly (albeit, her words may have stung, despite the joking tone) told them that meeting the HOH father made her understand why their son spoke so loudly. I do have this concern for Ella. She will undoubtedly need to learn how to be patient with her hard-of-hearing mom when I don't respond right away to her voice or when I'll ask her to repeat herself more than once. But, eventually, she'll probably adapt as she won't know any different. What may be a bigger challenge for her will be to understand intellectually that Mom is different than everyone else and has different communication needs. I do wonder if she'll be a loud kid. As a youngster will she not be able identify when it's necessary for her to adjust her behavior based on a specific situation or the company she's in? My greatest hope for her is that she never feels different because she has a hard-of-hearing mom. That may be a little unrealistic but a girl can wish. I have had some ringing in my ears since I got pregnant and suspect a particularly bad few days of fullness in the ears was in fact another episode of AIED. I chose not to go to my audiologist and ENT because of the pregnancy. My reasoning: if it was AIED the intertympanic steroid shots would be even more uncomfortable than while I wasn't pregnant and there could always be a potential for passing trace amounts of steroids to Ella. But, I do wonder, post-pregnancy, how my AIED will progress and how it might impact my relationship with my daughter. The fluctuation in my hearing will no doubt confuse her. With each episode, I've become more aware of the signs and my reaction but that doesn't mean I don't still get agitated while in the middle of one. I hope I can continue to learn how adapt to these episodes so as not to let my frustration about them infiltrate my parenting. Ella won't understand that Mom is agitated not by her but something else beyond our control. I've also been considering the smaller things I might need to do differently once Ella arrives. Right now, I have a tendency to toss batteries in my purse, my car and other random locations. While Ella's little, I will have to hide my hearing aid batteries to avoid the risk of ingestion. I think it might also be necessary to take my hearing aids out when I bathe her as a baby so her potential splashing doesn't break Mommy's aids. I think it's really important that I also get Ella and I involved in the baby sign language classes that have become so popular. It will no doubt be a very important tool for us. Until she's able to enunciate clearly and she's using a clear confident tone that Mommy can hear more easily, I think we'll need a fallback way of communicating. Sign will bridge the gap, I suspect. I will always encourage her to use her words too but it may be helpful for us both to sign and talk at the same time so we can understand each other. I am looking forward to the gift of motherhood and conquering my hearing loss in new uncharted ways. I simply can't wait to meet my munchkin!

Intertympanic Shots: 3 down, 1 more to go

Last week, I got the news that my latest AIED tinnitus episode had caused a 20 dB loss at 1000 Hz in my left ear. I'm only down to 30 dB in that frequency which is categorized as a mild hearing loss. What's noteworthy, though, is that I was hearing at 0 dB at 1000 Hz in the left ear just 10 months ago. Knowing this, I had my audiologist take a look at my audiograms collectively since I became her patient. It was clear to us both that my once good ear had been nosediving since January (post oral steroids treatment which as I note in previous posts was totally unsuccessful and caused severe insomnia, mood swings and depression.) My ENT was confident that intertympanic steroid shots would not have the same systemic effect and could be more effective in combating my tinnitus and hearing loss during an actual episode. With that, I had my first shot on Nov. 2nd.

The whole process takes less than a minute but as the injection goes in it causes intense vertigo, which is well-documented so they inject you lying down. Post-injection it feels like your ear is full and, at least after the first injection, my ear burned like someone had boxed me in the ear. In order for the inner ear to absorb the prednisone, a patient has to lie on their opposite side and wait for gravity to take effect. It's weird because your ear feels as if it's acting as a suction cup. You hear some weird suction-type sounds, too. Perhaps the most awkward thing about the post-injection period: you have to lay there for 30 minutes without talking or swallowing. Translation: spit into tissues for a half hour so as not to swallow your own saliva.

The whole experience the first time around made me wary about continuing with the three other injections the doctor prescribed. Fortunately, shot #2 five days later was alot less painful. And, finally, about a day after that injection, I awoke to no tinnitus for the first time in a week. With my spirits lifted, I had my third shot done yesterday. Again, it was less uncomfortable than it had been in the previous two visits. My final shot is scheduled for Monday.

It will be intriguing to see if my hearing rebounds at all from the treatment. As far as I am concerned, I've noticed it's been easier to chat on the phone than it was during the episode and I'm overall not as tired because I don't feel like I'm struggling like I was. Should there still be some permanent loss sustained by this latest episode, though, I will once again be that annoying patient who advocates for herself and ask for another hearing aid adjustment.

It's been about 8 months or so now since I've gotten my Exelias and I now fully understand and value the fact that getting the best amplification possible totally transforms my life and affects everything from my energy level to my mood. As long as my ears can benefit from amplification, I will be that patient that's constantly fine-tuning her aids to fit her fluctuating loss. Sometimes it feels like I am running after this hearing loss trying desperately to catch up to it and be the best hearing person I can be. I can't say that it's not exhausting sometimes but at least I have finally embraced it. There's a peace about it now that I never had. I hope it keeps.

Tinnitus, I wish I could say I hardly knew ya!

My doctors think I have a vague illness called autoimmune disease of the inner ear. AIED includes asymmetrical, progressive hearing loss and can cause tinnitus and vertigo. Fortunately, I am vertigo-free but I do get tinnitus. A couple months ago I had my worst bout of tinnitus (in my case, my tinnitus is sustained ringing in my ear, sometimes pulsating, sometimes not). The episode lasted a full week and I sustained a 10 dB loss in my left ear at 1000 Hz. That loss wasn't enough to cause too much alarm, fortunately. Now, just when I was hoping that episode was just a weird phenomenon, I'm on day 3 of my latest bout of tinnitus. I am headed to the ENT and audiologist this afternoon. My ENT has told me that each bout needs to be analyzed and my hearing tested. If there is a 20 dB decrease in any frequency, an inter-tympanic shot of prednisone might be worthwhile. IT shots mean a shot into my eardrum. Prednisone is a steroid. Never thought I would be "pumping up" my ears. But, apparently, if a prednisone IT shot is warranted, it can often stop an episode and possibly restore any hearing lost during that episode. I am a little squeamish at the idea but now that I'm on day 3 of this latest episode, I can honestly say I am DYING for some relief. I'll post the result soon.

Hearing should be a right not a privilege

This is perhaps the most emotional and inspiring video I have ever seen. To me, it showcases the power of good hearing for those of us who lack it. It also makes me so grateful to live in a time when people like her and I can benefit from technological advances in audiology. But, most importantly, it is proof to me that hearing is a right, not a privilege. Not every deaf person wants to become a hearing person. Deaf culture is alive and well. While I myself am not a member of the Deaf community, I got a taste of the pride that community has while taking an ASL class in college. For those who do want to hear though, hearing MUST be a right NOT a privilege. It's widely accepted that every American who has problems with their vision has the right to get the medical care and equipment necessary to see clearly. Why does the same not hold true for the hearing impaired?

Not long ago, when I discovered my hearing loss had progressed, that I was badly under-aided and I needed new hearing equipment, I learned my insurance would not pick up any portion of the tab for my aids. I was furious at the news. I remembered my parents telling me when I was younger that they had to pay out-of-pocket for my BTE (behind-the-ear). Later, I also remember that a new insurance plan my parents had acquired in my teens DID cover aids. That policy allowed me to get my first pricey ITE (in-the-ear). As a youngster, I didn't consider the lack of insurance coverage of hearing equipment an injustice. I didn't fully grasp the expense or how insurance coverage or lack thereof impacted my family. I was fortunate that circumstances allowed me to have the best technology and care.

At 27 years old, though, I needed two new aids (and power aids at that) for the first time in my adult life. I felt so ostracized by "the system." One of the many reasons why I feel blessed for my short stint in audiology school: they pointed me in the direction of the Vocational Rehabilitation program. At first, the idea of asking the state to subsidize my hearing equipment made me incredibly uncomfortable. It took months of struggling with the idea, while reluctantly filling out the paperwork and going to the necessary meetings, before I realized that it was my right to ask for help. If my insurance company was failing me, it was my right to seek other ways to cover the cost of my $6,000 aids. The Voc Rehab program recognized that, too, and that the aids were my tools to gain and retain employment. After approval, it was discovered that Cigna, my insurance company, had recently altered their coverage for hearing aids. Now, they were covering $2,500 in hearing equipment annually! It was a heartening, small step in the right direction. Voc Rehab picked up the remainder of my bill and after months of bureaucracy, I was fit with my Phonak Exelias. The elation I experienced that first day with MY new aids (I had been loaned others, off and on, while waiting for the ones I now call my own) parallels Sarah Churman's in the above video.

In Sarah Churman's case, her implant cost $30,000 just for one ear. She went on Ellen eight days after the above video was shot to tell her story. Her insurance company didn't cover her procedure at all. Her mother-in-law, realizing how important hearing was to Sarah and her young family, selflessly cashed in her retirement fund and paid for Sarah's procedure. Ellen DeGeneres, who I adore, recognized the awful injustice--that a woman could essentially be priced out of a basic right--and worked out an amazing solution to the Churmans' financial situation. She got the company who makes Sarah's implant to agree to reimburse Sarah the $30,000 for her first implant and gave Sarah an additional $30,000 so she could have the procedure done on the other ear. It was a remarkable act of kindness. It also highlighted the growing understanding within the hearing community of the need for change. It gives me hope that one day aids, cochlear implants and medical procedures aimed at restoring one's hearing will no longer be viewed as vanity items but truly medically necessary tools to restore the right to hear to anyone who seeks it. Go Ellen and go Sarah!

Here's the segment on Ellen. Warning: Grab a hanky before viewing!
A Deaf Woman Who Can Finally Hear Meets Ellen

High Energy Thanks to Phonak

I have had a tough couple of weeks with my first pregnancy, miscarriage and D & C. I'm better and hopeful that the next pregnancy, whenever we're blessed again, will be a successful one. But, in the middle of it all, I have fallen in love... with my new Phonak iCom and TVLink. $300 and a little gizmo later and I am full of energy I hardly remember having since my hearing loss took a nosedive.

The iCom and I had a short rendezvous with a FM transmitter in grad school. I wasn't a massive fan of the FM transmitter in those brief few weeks. It really only helped in the classroom but any dynamic situations led to some serious sensory overload. I think my good hearing for in low frequencies in both ears and mids in the left made it just too loud. I did love the iCom, however, when I linked it with my loaned Exelias and my smartphone for hands-free phone calls in the car.

Every time I was without great hearing aids before grad school and using the speakerphone behind the wheel, I struggled to hear and was always fearful of getting pulled over by the cops for breaking the hands-free law. I returned to that frustration when I returned my loaner aids and went back to my own obsolete aids. As soon as I got my Exelias with the bluetooth capability from Voc Rehab, I dreamily hoped to return to easy hands-free calls but worried about the expense. Thankfully, my hubby, whose continued support and patience warms my heart and boggles my mind, recognized how important an iCom would be to my sanity and safety. My audiologist gave me a great deal on the iCom and the TVLink combo and I placed my order.

Now, I think I've fallen more in love with the TVLink than the iCom phone option. The little charging station for the iCom doubles as a wireless link for easy TV viewership when I plug it into either TV in my home. I can now miraculously hear every word on the TV through a signal sent directly to my aids. I can even have the TV on mute and hear the TV through my aids... perfect for late night or early morning viewing!

I am a different person with even more boosted energy than I had once I got properly aided. This little device was the missing link between me and effortless hearing. I feel like I have been released from the loose grips of my hearing loss... I am hardly if ever limited by what I can't hear. Of course, I still occasionally miss something my hearing friends and family might hear but it's not nearly as frustrating to communicate. I don't feel like I am being held back or holding back others in almost all day-to-day situations. The future looks bright!

Here's info on the Phonak iCom and TVLink I am gushing about:


http://www.phonak.com/com/b2c/en/products/accessories/communication/icom/overview.html

Solicitors be gone!

Every American can't stand being hassled by solicitors outside their grocery store or drug store. Sign this to support gay marriage (which I do)! Sign this petition to get this meaningless proposition on the ballot. Or, lately, try out our fledgling salon at a discounted rate--you'll love us! I, like the rest of the world, can't stand being hounded each time I exit, in this case, my local Trader Joe's bogged down with loads of groceries and rushing to get my frozen items home before they melt. But, more than anything, as a hearing impaired person, the auditory stimulation is something I could really do without. I often have no idea who they are speaking to. Is it to me, or the person who left the store right before me. Some, I wouldn't be surprised, could even be talking to themselves.

Then there are those who are a little frustrated by their plight so they talk really softly. What are you saying? If you don't believe in what you are saying, spare me the additional noise.

On the flip side, there are those who practically yell at you with some stupid line they have created to grab your attention. My favorite was just yesterday: "Hey pretty little lady, do you like the environment?" Any time new words or sounds come at me without any context, I have to spend quite a bit of time processing what it is that I am hearing. At first, I was certain I was being picked up by a hobo outside of Ralph's. After some internal processing, I realized what it was he was trying to pitch to me. I told him, "Sorry, these groceries are really heavy." His friend then yells after me, "I'll help you carry them". Seriously?

Then there are other solicitors who simply go "Excuse me Ma'am" usually after I have walked past them and have my back toward them. Of course, that complicates matters... I have trouble hearing anything let alone anything from a source behind me. I have two issues with "Excuse me, Ma'am"... first, I am 27 years old, I am still a Miss (though I am happily married) until I am at least 40. Ma'am is someone with kids and wrinkles forming under her eyes. Once I get over the shock of the Ma'am, I have to check around me, is Ma'am directed at me or the 5 other ladies walking to and from the store? I'm always very disappointed when it's revealed that the "Ma'am" was really directed at me.

I know it would just be better to simply ignore all these sounds and go about my routine. But, it's hard to do that. I am constantly trying to process all the sounds around me. I guess you could say I'm on "high alert" most of the time, particularly in dynamic situations. So, when I heighten my awareness of everything to make sure I'm safe and comprehending important information, the solicitor's voice is always going to show up on my radar. Fortunately, I am becoming more aware of what these people might look like and have come up with my customary excuses. I tend to blurt them out before they have a chance to befuddle my mind with their pitches. But, I have to say, I really get frustrated when these people assume that everyone hears the same way. I am not nearly as hearing impaired as millions of other people are in this world. How frustrating must these same situations be for them?

Hearing Loss is not just for the Elderly

I was watching television the other day when a seemingly harmless commercial came on. It was for the Hamilton Captel, a captioned telephone service I learned about several months ago. The idea is enticing to me as my hearing has made it harder for me to understand people on the phone lately. I was hoping there was something similar for my cell phone. Unfortunately, after doing some research, I discovered the Captel service is unique to Sprint cellphones right now. My service provider is Verizon. I hadn't thought about Captel much since until the commercial appeared on my TV screen.

The 30-second spot for Captel, which I've now seen a number of times much to my dismay, left me really upset. The commercial shows a grandmother using the phone to talk to her grandson. For someone who is hard-of-hearing and not in the stereotypical age group, I couldn't overlook the message it was sending to viewers. Every time I have had to reveal to a customer service person, a professor, a boss or a new acquaintance that I have hearing loss, I am always met with a surprised look. I am not what anyone would think of when asked to describe a hard-of-hearing person. This commercial is broadcasting the misnomer that HOH means old to millions. Nothing good can come of this for the millions of young people like me with compromised hearing.

I know I am not alone in feeling the occasional shame or embarrassment for having a disability believed to be reserved for the elderly. It took me years to even acknowledge that I had an issue and that it might be worthwhile letting those around me know about my hearing loss. Instead, I tried to blend in with my peers and compensate for my disability. It would have been markedly easier to grow up hard-of-hearing if the stereotype hadn't always lurked in the shadows.

I wonder, as more and more people of all age groups are diagnosed with hearing loss, whether the stereotype will fade away. I doubt it but one can only hope. It would be a relief to me and so many like me to not be met with such incredulity and disbelief each and every time we reveal ourselves as hard-of-hearing.

I'm tempted to write to the company and point out that they're excluding a large untapped market by advertising their technology only to the elderly. I'm just not sure what impact such a letter might have because as it stands, it's true that young people are still in the minority in the HOH community. I'm still, by several decades, the youngest member of my local HOH group. Maybe I should just do it anyway?